


would you like something to drink?

by carpesoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 08:23:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5327285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpesoo/pseuds/carpesoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kyungsoo attempts to hit on the hot customer, oh sehun. <s>it does not go well.</s></p>
            </blockquote>





	would you like something to drink?

**Author's Note:**

> originally written for [](http://astrongbreeze.livejournal.com/profile)[astrongbreeze](http://astrongbreeze.livejournal.com/)

"Kyungsoo-yah, look. It’s that guy again, Mr. Too-Hot-For-Words."

Kyungsoo wills himself to not look up, he can already feel the heat rushing to his cheeks. There's no predicting how crimson his face would flush if he were to actually feast his eyes on the glorious sight that is Oh Sehun.

Oh Sehun. Twenty one. Student. Broad shoulders. Has a sweet tooth. A closet otaku?

This is all the information Kyungsoo has amassed in the three months that Sehun has been visiting the coffee shop, Kyungsoo's current place of employment. Kyungsoo is intrigued to find out more about the man who visits the coffee shop on a daily basis, bar every other Wednesday, not that he has been keeping logs of dates and times when the attractive man has been visiting or anything.

On one occasion, Kyungsoo had managed to catch a glimpse of Oh Sehun’s student ID card when he’d accidentally handed it to Kyungsoo instead of his loyalty card. And unlike the embarrassing ID photos that the rest of the human population strives to hide at all costs, Sehun had managed to look breathtakingly stunning in his photo. Is it even possible to capture a bad photo of Oh Sehun? Kyungsoo doubts it. Every angle of Sehun’s face is too perfect, ID photos no exception. So naturally, Kyungsoo had taken a mental snapshot of the details before passing the card back to Sehun.

"Erm, hello?"

Kyungsoo looks up. "Sugar nuts," he mutters under his breath. Oh Sehun is wearing a vest today. A vest. As in _sleeveless_. Exposed arms. Bare arms. _Naked_ arms. No, no, no, the sight is far too much for Kyungsoo to behold.

"Excuse me?" Sehun asks, an eyebrow cocked in confusion.

Shoot. Keep calm, Kyungsoo. You can do this, you've managed to successfully note his order and serve him for the past nine-three days, let's make this day number ninety-four, shall we? Ninety four, Oh Sehun's year of birth. Dammit, Do Kyungsoo. Con-cen-trate.

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. "Would you like some sugared nuts? They're new and limited edition." Kyungsoo cracks a smile and silently pleads for Sehun to decline because there aren't any nuts available, well, not the sugared and detached from the male anatomy kind that he’d expect.

"Sure," Sehun replies with a bright expression that could light up even the deepest abyss.

Double bullets shot. Kyungsoo laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "Let me, er, just check to see if we've got any left in stock." He rushes off to the backroom, dragging an unsuspecting Chanyeol along with him.

"I can't do this!" he sighs, sinking into a chair and covering his face with his palms. "You go."

"O...kay," Chanyeol backs away slowly. "I don't know why you dragged me here in the first place if you just wanted me to leave."

"No, wait!" Kyungsoo exclaims, grabbing the taller male by the wrist, surprising the other once again. "I'll go."

Kyungsoo feels compelled to make it to ninety-four. Ninety-four equals Oh Sehun. Oh Sehun equals ninety-four.

"Yah! Don't leave Mr Too-Hot-For-Words waiting for too long." Chanyeol interrupts Kyungsoo's stream of thought. If he's not satisfied with your service..." he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, "...then he might take his hot piece of ass—I mean custom— elsewhere."

Kyungsoo glares at Chanyeol. How dare he refer to his precious customer as a "hot piece of ass"? Oh Sehun is not a piece of meat to be leered and ogled at. No, he must be respected and taken care of. Shoot. Said person is still waiting to be served. Kyungsoo pushes past Chanyeol as he hurries back to Sehun. In his haste, he does not see Chanyeol angrily flipping him off.

"Sorry for the wait," Kyungsoo wheezes, out of breath from the brisk dash. "Unfortunately..." he pauses to catch his breath "...we do not have any of those things left. How about a blueberry muffin instead? On the house?”

Sehun nods with fervour, clearly pleased with the offer of a complimentary muffin. Kyungsoo summons the strength not to jump over the counter and plant his face onto the customer's lips. "Blueberry muffins are my..." Sehun trails off, his gaze averting to something happening behind Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo looks over his shoulder and his jaw drops to the ground. Why is Chanyeol emerging with his hair disheveled and tucking his shirt back into his trousers. He looks like he's just had a quickie—

Kyungsoo splutters unattractively as he realises what the situation must look like to Sehun. Kyungsoo had just returned less than a minute prior, gasping for air, and then Chanyeol appears in a similar state. Chanyeol winks and blows a kiss in his direction. That giant piece of shi— Kyungsoo clamps down on his lower lip. He knows that Chanyeol did that on purpose, fully aware that any onlooker would misconstrue the situation and honestly, who could blame them?

Kyungsoo slowly turns back to face Sehun. He’s not smiling anymore, he’s staring intensely at Chanyeol, void of expression. "I-I'll just. Yeah." Kyungsoo quickly turns on his heel, closed his eyes and takes a deep breath. "And a tall iced mocha to go with that?"

"Actually, I'd like it hot this time," Sehun calls out to the barista. "The weather's getting a bit chilly lately, don't you think?" he adds.

Kyungsoo chews on his lip as he tries to dispel the thoughts of Sehun wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s small frame, rubbing his body as they try to warm themselves up. Nodding once, he replies with a wavering voice, "C-Coming right up."

He moves his legs with much difficulty. His bones have turned into jelly and he's lost all feeling in his arms. He somehow manages to pour the milk into the silver jug with minimal spillage and places it under the steam wand to heat it up. When the milk is hot enough, he transfers the liquid into a glass, no spills this time. Just as he’s about to pour the coffee, he realises that he's forgotten to pump shots of chocolate syrup before adding the milk. He pinches the bridge of his nose, silently cursing his inadequacy.

"Don't worry about it, a latte is fine." He hears Sehun call out from across the counter.

Kyungsoo shoots a look at the handsome customer. If this were an anime, Kyungsoo would be shooting hearts out of his eyes, hands interlocked and his left leg raised and bent. However, on account of his not being a fictitious character, he offers the kind male a smile of gratitude instead.

Somehow managing to place the hot beverage and muffin onto a tray despite his trembling hands, he wipes his sweaty palms on his apron before ringing up the till, "That'll be two dollars and forty-five cents, please."

Sehun's warm hand grazes Kyungsoo's fingers as he hands over the exact total and loyalty card. A part of Kyungsoo wishes that Sehun had required change so he would have another opportunity to accidentally brush hands with him. Oh wait, he still needs to return the loyalty card. A chime ‘hallelujah’ jingles in his head.

"They should really spruce up the design, don't you think?" Kyungsoo attempts to make small talk as he deposits the coins into the till drawer.

"Hmm?" Sehun questions, puzzled by the question asked out of the blue.

"These loyalty cards. They're a bit plain and boring, no?" Kyungsoo explains, waving the item in question. "Nothing like your student ID card..." he trails off when he registers what he's just said. Way to sound like a stalker, Do Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo can feel Sehun looking at him, his eyes gazing intensely like a fire with the heat of a thousand suns, burning... Kyungsoo shakes his head to dismiss the internal monologue unfolding in his mind. The tall, broad and delectable male clears his throat and holds out a hand ~~for Kyungsoo to lick~~.

"I-I'm not saying that they should use your face on these things!" Kyungsoo splutters as he returns the plastic card, practically slamming it onto Sehun's open palm. "Because before, when you, uh, gave me your student ID by mistake! I saw what they looked like and I thought they looked nice!"

Sehun doesn't respond, instead he cracks a polite smile and collects his drink and muffin. He scans the room looking for an available table and hastily rushes to the empty spot farthest from the cash register.

Kyungsoo watches forlornly as the subject of his affection walks away, taking a piece of his heart with him. He exhales deeply, 'Against All Odds' (sung by Phil Collins, not the ~~subpar~~ Mariah Carey and Westlife version) playing softly in his mind, accompanied by the melancholy sounds of a lone violin.

_'How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace? When I stand here taking every breath--'_ Kyungsoo slaps himself in the face to snap out of his haze. He really ought to stop watching shoujo animes. If anyone were to find out about his secret guilty pleasure of indulging in the clichéd romance animations, he'd never be able to live it down.

"I, uh, your picture, uh, on these, card, er," Chanyeol imitates Kyungsoo's embarrassing babbling and bursts into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Kyungsoo surges toward his colleague, swatting him as he releases a string of foul language, shocking the other. “Who knew Do Kyungsoo had such a vast repertoire of profanity?”

Once he tires himself out, Kyungsoo relents in his attack. Satisfied with the damage he's inflicted, he straightens himself up and proceeds to wipe the pickup counter.

"You know that you've got to pay for that muffin, don't you?" Chanyeol points out, still massaging his bruises. Apparently Chanyeol’s abnormally large ears aren't just for display purposes only? Darn the man's impressively good sense of hearing.

Kyungsoo scoffs as he undoes his apron and throws it at the smirking man. "I know," he grumbles as he makes his way to the staffroom to retrieve his wallet.

 

 

 

 

 

"You're late." Chanyeol states, immediately regretting his decision to get out of bed in the morning and cowers at the sight of the menacing look he receives in return.

“You don’t think I’m already aware of that?” Kyungsoo snaps at him.

“If I were someone who didn’t value his life, I would make a comment about how someone is a little touchy today. But I _do_ want to carry on living so I would _never_ make such a remark. Nope.”

Kyungsoo isn’t amused, and it’s extremely evident in his facial expression. Chanyeol is on paper thin ice so he’d better tread carefully because Kyungsoo is cranky. SUPER CRANKY, capslock. An irritable Kyungsoo with a minus nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine patience level. The one thing he’s looking forward to, to brighten the miserable start to his day, is the impending encounter with one Oh Sehun and—shoot—what time is it?

Kyungsoo discreetly glances at the clock to determine if his favourite customer has... “He’s come and left, my friend. Early bird catches the worm,” Chanyeol informs him.

“Who asked you?!” Kyungsoo barks, throwing a dirty rag at his colleague.

“Dude, did you lose your chill when you were rushing here or something?” Chanyeol dodges the cloth, shaking his head as he picks it off the floor.

“I just…” Kyungsoo sighs heavily, kicking the ground.

Chanyeol swings an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “I get it, you’ve got a crush on Mr. Too-Hot-For-Words.”

“You’ve really got to stop calling him that,” Kyungsoo says, shrugging Chanyeol off. Needing a hot beverage, he retrieves his personal mug from the shelf.

“And you need to get laid. Maybe he can help you out, you should ask him or something.”

They both stare at the coffee cup in Kyungsoo’s hand, and the fact that that hand is clenched doesn’t go unnoticed by Chanyeol. He retreats slowly, seeking shelter.

“Do I…” Kyungsoo hesitates. Chanyeol stops in his tracks and waits patiently for him to continue. “...make it that obvious?” he finishes timidly.

Chanyeol purses his lips, a pensive expression cast on his face. He broaches the topic carefully, fearful to invoke the wrath of the other. “Well, there are distinct differences.” Kyungsoo cocks an eyebrow. “I mean, I see the way you interact with other customers and the way you behave around him. What’s his name again?”

“Sehun.” Chanyeol detects a faint hint of a smile on Kyungsoo’s face when he says the customer’s name.

“So this Sehun dude, he doesn’t know how you act with other people, so he wouldn’t know that you treat him more favourably.”

“I do not treat him any different!” Kyungsoo huffs, offended by the accusation.

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “Oh, please. Do you remember the two girls who came in yesterday? It was one of their birthdays and yet you still refused to give them a complimentary birthday cupcake. As per store policy.”

“If they hadn’t acted so spoiled, maybe I would’ve. Besides, if they can spend thousands on a designer bag, I’m sure they can afford a two dollar cupcake.” Kyungsoo scoffs, his nose crinkling in distaste. “They didn’t deserve one, birthday or no birthday.”

Chanyeol laughs in response. “I hear ya, I would’ve done the same thing. But you gave Sehun a complimentary muffin for no special reason, and what does that say?”

“It wasn’t free though, I paid for it,” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath.

“Case in point.”

He’s right, Kyungsoo thinks. He _does_ have a point. Caught off guard, Kyungsoo finds himself without a comeback. Perhaps he’s grossly underestimated Chanyeol’s observation skills. “Hey, Chanyeol-ah.”

“Chanyeol- _ah_?” Chanyeol blinks rapidly at Kyungsoo. “What happened to my angry Kyungsoo? What have you done with him?”

Kyungsoo chews on his bottom lip. He wants to ask Chanyeol for his impartial assessment and objective opinion about Sehun. More specifically, whether or not Chanyeol believes Sehun to be remotely sexually attracted to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo is feeling apprehensive, however. What if Chanyeol teases him for all of eternity? Can he really afford to hand over that kind of ammunition to be used against himself?

“No, seriously though. What’s with this one eighty shift in attitude? Or are you trying to lure me into a false sense of security before you swap out the sugar for salt?” Chanyeol rushes to the sugar dispenser and sprinkles a small heap onto an open palm. He raises his hand to his face and a tongue darts out, licking the granules.

Kyungsoo scrunches his nose. “Ew, that’s gross. Don’t do that, and don’t get caught doing that.”

Chanyeol wipes his palm on his apron. “So, what can I do you for? I mean, I can only assume you want my help with something?”

Man, he’s astute. Kyungsoo wants to strike up a conversation with Sehun, or one not involving the ordering coffee rather. He just doesn’t know _how_ to, he loses all cognitive functions as soon as the handsome customer enters the establishment. Chanyeol, on the other hand, never seems to be at a loss for words, constantly engaging in small talk with the patrons. Kyungsoo begrudgingly admits that his colleague has an appealing charm that people seem to flock to naturally. It’s a quality he admires, and covets.

Kyungsoo nods his head, teeth still clamped onto his lower lip. “So there’s this thing that I maybe, er, might need your advice on. Perhaps?” His voice is wavering like a tone deaf tween idol pre-autotune. “How do I…” Kyungsoo swallows, he feels like he’s just swallowed a bucketful of sand.

“Go on,” Chanyeol coaxes, placing a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

Steeling his resolve, Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. “How do I do that thing?”

Chanyeol’s eyebrow knits in confusion. “That thing?”

“You know that thing. Where you like, let the guy know you’re interested without actually saying that you’re interested.” Kyungsoo feels beads of sweat forming on his forehead, as though his face is on fire.

“You mean like flirting?” Chanyeol asks.

Kyungsoo nods shyly. He hates that he’s acting so bashful in front of Chanyeol but he can’t help it. The thought of Sehun renders him a fumbling mess, damn his schoolgirl crush!

“You want to seduce that customer, Mr. Too-Hot-For-Words, Sehun? My baby is growing up so fast, I’m welling up with pride.” Chanyeol wipes a non-existent tear from his eye.

“I swear to God, if you’re mocking me, so help me...” Kyungsoo warns.

“I’m not!” Chanyeol asserts, crossing his heart with his finger.

“Good.”

“Fear not, my friend. Park Chanyeol, pick up extraordinaire, will teach you how to master the art of flirting.” Chanyeol cracks his knuckles.

What has Kyungsoo gotten himself into? He can practically hear the cogs turning in Chanyeol’s brain. “You’re not going to tell me to use cheesy pick up lines, are you? Like, did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Or, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘u’ and ‘i’ together.”

“Kyungsoo, please.” Chanyeol raises a hand, motioning for the other to stop. “I don’t use the run of the mill and overused cheesy pick up lines that our parents would’ve used way back when. No, I’m talking more along the lines of…”

Kyungsoo braces himself for what’s to come.

“...how many planets will there be left after I destroy Uranus?”

“Oh my God, Chanyeol. No.”

“Too much? Okay, we can tone it down a little. How about, do you what I like in a guy? ...Me,” Chanyeol delivers the punchline with a wink and a satisfied smirk.

“I can’t believe.” Kyungsoo closes his eyes. “Do they even _work_?”

“Two out of three times.” Chanyeol thrusts his hips obscenely and begins to gyrate whilst making pulsing EDM sound effects.

Kyungsoo whacks him the chest. “Stop that, before someone sees you.”

Chanyeol scans the shop floor, there’s not a soul in sight. “There isn’t even anyone here! Have you noticed that we seem to only have one customer at any given time? That can’t be good for business, surely. But I digress. Back to the matter at hand.”

“No more dirty pick up lines, they’re so awful. And I pity the poor and clearly desperate guys you’ve been shacking up with,” Kyungsoo says whilst doing a quick check of inventory.

“Well, truth be told. I haven’t been hooking up with random guys, not for a while now.”

“Oh?” Kyungsoo darts his head to face his colleague. “This is a surprise. Are you abstaining or…” Kyungsoo directs his gaze to the other’s crotch before whispering, “...do you have performance problems?”

Chanyeol throws a dirty dish cloth at him. “Mr. Park does _not_ get stage fright. Want me to whip it right now and prove it to you?”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Not when there are knives around,” Kyungsoo warns.

Chanyeol covers his precious crown jewels with his hands. “Okay, I’ll keep it in my trousers. But no, no issues down there. The reason is because I’ve met someone.”

“You? Settling down?” Kyungsoo shrieks, not expecting the words to sound as shrill as they do. He clears his throat. “I need to meet the guy who managed to tame Park Chanyeol. Wow, I’m impressed. So, how did you guys meet?”

Chanyeol blushes and sighs dreamily. Kyungsoo wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t witnessed it himself. “He used a pick up line, actually.”

Of course he did. Kyungsoo can just imagine it now, Chanyeol and his mystery man bonding over the most vulgar and vile jokes. Kyungsoo covers Chanyeol’s mouth before he can continue retelling the story. “Hold up, I don’t think I want to know anymore.”

Chanyeol nods slowly. “Mmkay.”

Kyungsoo withdraws his hands and saunters to the wash basin to rinse off his hands. “So, what should I do about Sehun?” he asks, unable to look at his colleague in the eye.

“Okay, so pick up lines aren’t your thing. Why don’t you ask him questions about himself? People love to talk about themselves, it’s like a narcissism thing. And you can always make sexual innuendos with whatever they answer with.” Chanyeol wriggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“In...nuendos?” Kyungsoo turns to face the other.

“Okay, maybe that stuff is too advanced for you. But you can compliment him…” Chanyeol tilts his head, and squints at Kyungsoo. “You do know how to compliment someone, right? To say nice things about someone without it being sarcastic?”

“Of course I know how to compliment someone, you giant shi--”

Chanyeol raises an eyebrow.

“--lovely human person being,” Kyungsoo finishes through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, you might want to work on that as well. Like, for example,” Chanyeol slumps onto the counter. “Ask him if he like sports and if he plays any. If he says, yes, you can compliment him on his body. Like _Oh, I could tell just by looking, you look very fit_.” Chanyeol gives Kyungsoo bedroom eyes and licks his lips.

Ignoring Chanyeol’s sleaziness, Kyungsoo asks, “But what if he says no?”

“Then you stroke his peen—ego by telling him you’d think he’d be a natural because he has the athletic build for it. Maybe you can squeeze his arm and say, ‘My, what strong biceps you have. You’re a strapping young lad, aren’t you?’ as you bat your eyelashes. Here, you can practise on me.” Chanyeol rolls up his sleeves as he offers his arm, clearly flexing his muscles.

Kyungsoo chokes on air. Does Chanyeol really expect Kyungsoo to actually say these words, out loud? He would literally die of embarrassment and shame, his body disintegrating into ash. There’s no way it’s ever going to happen. Nope, never in a million years. Catching his breath, he shakes his head profusely.

“You’ve got to loosen up!” Chanyeol shakes Kyungsoo by the shoulders. “You can do this, Kyungsoo. In the words of the famous doctor, Dr. Pepper. What’s the worst that can happen?”

~~(A lot. A lot can happen.)~~

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo is currently trying not to hyperventilate. Sehun’s wearing a vest again, collarbones exposed in all their glory. For someone who commented about the colder weather, he sure doesn’t dress appropriately. Kyungsoo tries to remember Chanyeol’s words from the other day. _“Ask him what he likes. Compliment him.”_ That doesn’t sound so hard, right? Kyungsoo’s mind is drawing a blank. What does he ask Sehun about? What do people like? What do they do? Come on, Kyungsoo, you can think of a hobby. Anything. Literally any activity will do.

“Are you ready to take my order?” Sehun asks as the barista gapes gormlessly at him.

“Sports!” Kyungsoo blurts out.

“Excuse me?”

"Do you like sports? Because I like sports with balls, especially basketball. Dribbling. Balls. Wait, that sounds wrong. Like drooling on the male testicles. Scrotum covered in spit-- what am I even saying?!” Kyungsoo is unable to control himself, or his spewing of word vomit. He glances over to Chanyeol who’s watching the train wreck unfolding, mouth hanging wide open.

Sehun stands motionless for a few seconds until someone coughs behind him, prompting him to hurry up. He catches Kyungsoo eye and quickly averts his gaze. “Oh, wait. I just remembered I had a… thing that I can’t be late for.” He steps aside, to allow the impatient customer to be served.

“But, wait!” Kyungsoo calls out to him. “What about your...” Sehun is already out the door before Kyungsoo is able to complete his sentence. “...coffee?” he finishes despondently.

Kyungsoo feels Chanyeol squeeze his shoulder when the latter walks past. “Don’t give up, try again next time,” he whispers in his ear. He nods, thanking him for his encouragement.

“If there even is a next time,” Kyungsoo utters resignedly to himself. He exhales before forcing a smile, ready to serve the next customer.

 

 

 

 

 

“Where is he?” Kyungsoo cries into his hands, shaking his head furiously. It’s been exactly four days since the fiasco that was his attempt at talking sports with Sehun; the handsome male has yet to have made an appearance since. Kyungsoo slaps both his cheeks with his hands. “Why, why, why? Why hasn’t he come?”

“Well, can you blame him? I told you to compliment him, not play word association games with yourself and coming out with ‘testicles’ and ‘scrotum’. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Kyungsoo shoots Chanyeol a scowl and points a finger at him. “Yooooou! This is all your fault!”

“My fault?” Chanyeol screeches in disbelief. He shakes his head and scoffs. “How is this _my_ fault? I practically handed you a script and you’re the one who panicked and deviated from it.”

Kyungsoo hangs his head in shame. Chanyeol’s right. At no point did the other coach him to talk about male genitalia, that was all on him. He squeezes his eyes shut and cringes at the embarrassing memory. He begins to whimper quietly, his chin beginning to quiver.

“Listen, Kyungsoo-yah. It’ll be fine, he’ll be back before you know it and this time, avoid talking about things you’re clueless about. Stick to the things you know,” Chanyeol advises, taking a seat beside him and rubs his back encouragingly.

Kyungsoo sighs defeatedly. “I don’t know if I can do it. I just…” he sighs again.

“You can do this. You’re Do Kyungsoo for flips sake, and Do Kyungsoo does not give up when he falls. He gets back up and learns from his mistakes. No more penis talk with our customers, whaddya say?” Chanyeol rocks Kyungsoo back and forth.

“Yeeeeeah,” Kyungsoo gives a lacklustre cheer. He keeps replaying the incident in his mind, sinking deeper into his chair. He glances over to his friend who’s engrossed in an intense air guitaring session. “Hey, Chanyeol?”

He thrashes violently for a couple of seconds before taking a bow to his imaginary audience. Sitting back down in his chair, he clicks his tongue at Kyungsoo. “‘Sup?”

“How did…” he chews on his lower lips. “How… you know when you said… you remember when… pick up line!”

“Pick up line?”

“You know, that guy? You said it worked on you and I was just thinking that maybe it would be good to know?”

“I thought you didn’t want to know?” Chanyeol shoots back.

“That was before and this is now. I’ve been thinking about it and like what if I was trapped in a cave with a polar bear or something? And what if Mr. Polar Bear is hungry and we’ve run out of fish and I need to use a pick up line for him to spare my life? So you need to tell me, it’s literally a matter of life and death. You wouldn’t want me to die, would you, Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo rattles on, barely pausing for oxygen.

“I don’t think that would ever happe—”

“Life and death!” Kyungsoo interjects. Chanyeol has never witnessed Kyungsoo’s eyes open so wide. It’s a frightening sight.

“Please stop looking at me like that, it’s freaking me out, like your eyeballs are going to pop out or something.” Chanyeol shudders at the mental image.

“Life and death!” Kyungsoo repeats, completely ignoring the other’s wishes and peers into the depths of his soul.

“Alright, alright! I’ll tell you! Geez, man. Firstly, don’t ever do that to Mr. Too-Hot-For-Words,” he admonishes. Kyungsoo squints at him. “Or that! Seriously, Kyungsoo. Just relax. Oh my word.”

“Life and death,” Kyungsoo whispers, slowly leaning in, his face drawing closer to Chanyeol’s.

Chanyeol groans in exasperation and pushes the other away. “If you say that one more time, I’m not going to tell you.”

Kyungsoo mouths it.

“That’s it. I’m going.”

“Wait!” Kyungsoo yanks Chanyeol back as he attempts to flee. “Technically, I didn’t say anything! Please tell me!” he appeals with the most innocent expression he can muster.

“Alright, just stop with that face, you look like you want to murder me in my sleep or something. I’ll tell you.” Chanyeol surrenders to the other. “I was at this bar one night when a guy accidentally bumped into me when he was dancing and spilled my drink. He apologised and offered to buy me another drink, which I accepted.”

Kyungsoo nods along to the story, eager to learn how Chanyeol’s mystery man managed to charm the self-acclaimed Mr. Smooth himself. He awaits the rest of the story with great expectation.

“So we got to talking, and I realised this guy was actually super hot,” Chanyeol continues, his eyes sparkling as he recalls the story. “And I was going to lay the moves on him.” Chanyeol thrusts his hips again.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do you want me to tell you what happened, or not?”

“Sorry, as you were with your hip thrusts.” Kyungsoo averts his gaze, he really does not need to be introduced to a perky Mr. Park.

“So I was there, thinking about which move I wanted to spring on him.” Another hip thrust, an outline appearing in his groin region.

Keep quiet, Kyungsoo and whatever you do, don’t look directly at it. He shudders at the sight Chanyeol was springing on him at this precise moment.

“But before I had the chance to, the guy tells me that this will be the last time he can treat someone to a drink so I should count myself lucky. Then he sighs and tells me that I probably don’t want to hear his sob story. Curiosity piqued, I was like, ‘sure I do. Lay it on me!’ Let it be noted that I used that phrase on purpose, trying to insert a subliminal image of him on top of me,” Chanyeol guffaws, shamelessly patting himself on the back.

Is this guy an actual pick up genius? Kyungsoo wants to give the guy a standing ovation but the douchebaggery self adulation prevents him from doing so. He doesn’t want to feed the already overwhelming ego of his.

“At first he seemed a little shy opening up, but after a few more drinks, he ends up telling me he’s being sued,” Chanyeol continues with the story.

“Sued? By whom? What did he do?!” Kyungsoo asks, with eyes wide.

“That was my exact reaction as well. So then, all of a sudden, his eyes change, they get all intense and smouldering. Viagra, he says, apparently want to take him to court for putting them out of business.”

“Oh. My. God. He did not!” Kyungsoo exclaims in disbelief.

Chanyeol nods vigorously. “He did. He said that no one needs a little blue pill in his presence. Then, he leans in, a hand on my thigh. And whispers seductively into my ear, ‘by the looks of things, it appears as if I was right?’. I almost creamed my pants, untouched, and that almost never happens to me.”

“Wow,” Kyungsoo breathes in awe. How are people so smooth and charismatic? Kyungsoo would never be able to pull off anything like that, not in a million years. If only he could trade his superior ability to be irritable for seduction skills like those. He’s already cursed with short stature, why did they have to skip the suave as well?

“Wow, indeed. And let me just say, he was _not_ lying. No one has ever made me that hard.”

“That’s too much information. Please stop talking.”

“And the sex. Man, the sex is incredible. He should patent his moves and he’d probably outsell the Kama Sutra, I tell you.” Chanyeol wriggles his eyebrows and resumes thrusting his groin with extreme fervour.

The sight too overwhelming for Kyungsoo, he announces his departure. “I’m outta here, maybe Sehun will actually show up today.” Kyungsoo remains hopeful that his crush will visit the coffee shop. He’s not too sure what life lessons he can take away from their conversation, but one can never have too much knowledge, right?

“Yes, get back out there and get some ass!” Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows at Chanyeol. “Or just get back out there!” he amends.

“I’m going!” Kyungsoo exclaims, lifting himself off the chair. “Not because you told me to, but because my break’s over. Just a coincidence, you hear me?” he adds.

“Yeah, yeah. You just want that ass,” Chanyeol quips.

“I can’t hear you!” Kyungsoo calls over his shoulder as he makes his exit.

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo is definitely not freaking out. He also did not just discreetly sniff his armpit. It’s been over a week since Sehun has last shown his face, and the last thing Kyungsoo wants is to offend him and his nose. He implements another quick body odour check.

“You smell and look fine!” Chanyeol barks at the other.

Okay, maybe he wasn’t too subtle about it, but he woke up with the strange feeling that Oh Sehun will grace him with his magnificent presence today. And such a joyous occasion that deserves to be celebrated, especially after the week’s hiatus. Kyungsoo may or may not have bought cute puffy stickers to spruce up the page of the ‘Oh Sehun’ log book he’s _not_ been documenting.

And just as Kyungsoo had predicted, there he is. Oh Sehun. The man enters the shop and slowly approaches the cash desk, his head held high with a strut of confidence. Kyungsoo stares in awe, feeling the heat radiating from his body and the fire in his loins stirring.

“Hi,” Sehun greets with a warm smile.

With beads of sweat forming on Kyungsoo’s forehead, his body already too overwhelmed with the sight bestowed before him, his fight-or-flight responses kick in. His small frame has already inched back slightly, and he’s about to flee the scene when Chanyeol knees the back of his right thigh.

“Oof!” Kyungsoo cries out as he buckles over, hands flailing in the air as he tries to regain his balance.

“My bad, I didn’t see you there,” Chanyeol apologises insincerely.

“Are you okay?” Sehun asks before Kyungsoo has a chance to give chase to Chanyeol and beat him with one of the coffee filter holders.

“I-I’m fine.” Kyungsoo straightens his back and dusts off his apron. “The usual?”

Sehun nods his head and Kyungsoo notices that he’s drumming his fingers against his thighs. Oh, how nice it must feel to be straddled by those thighs-- No, concentrate. Don’t get distracted, Do Kyungsoo.

“So, you must like coffee, huh?” Kyungsoo asks with a bright cheery smile. He’s going to make an attempt at small talk. _Stick to the things you know,_ Chanyeol’s words looped in his mind.

Sehun nods again, slower this time round, his fingers no longer tapping but are now behind his back.

“Coffee. Cup of Joe. Have you ever wondered why it’s called that? Cup o’ Joe. Like, who is Joe? Was he the dude who first invented coffee? Well, not _invent_ , it’s not like he created coffee beans out of thin air.” Kyungsoo guffaws loudly.

“I… don’t know why it’s called that,” Sehun replies politely.

Crap. He looks uncomfortable, Kyungsoo observes the male tapping his feet impatiently. You can save this, Do Kyungsoo, you can do it. “Maybe I should start calling it a cup of Kyungsoo. Or even a cup of Sehun?”

“How--how do you know my name?” Sehun asks, his eyes widened in alarm.

“I followed you home one time and broke into your mailbox,” Kyungsoo says, his tone sinister.

Sehun freezes, the blood drained from his face. Did… Kyungsoo just make a joke about being a _creeper_? He catches Chanyeol facepalming in his peripheral. Why is he so socially inept?

“Oh my God! I’m joking!” Kyungsoo waves his hands wildly. “I’m not a stalker, I swear!”

“You handed him your student card that one time,” Chanyeol intervenes, rescuing a drowning Kyungsoo.

“Oh, yeah. I remember now,” Sehun recalls, nodding his head slightly. He smiles and adds, “Well, I guess it’s only fair that you know my name seeing as I know yours, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Observing his panicked state, Sehun gestures to the barista’s chest. Why is he pointing at my-- are my nipples showing? Kyungsoo looks down and sees his name tag. Right, of course. You’re an idiot, Do Kyungsoo. He takes a deep breath. “I-I’ll just get you your coffee…”

Chanyeol blocks his path. “Don’t worry. I’ll make it, you just carry on talking to him. And stop acting like a weirdo,” he hisses quietly in Kyungsoo’s ear.

“So my colleague is making your coffee, won’t be two secs,” Kyungsoo informs Sehun with a bright smile. “Back to what I was I was saying. Coffee. Know a place where I can get one?”

“You want to know where you can get a cup of coffee?” Sehun asks, there’s a subtle tone of uncertainty in his voice.

“Yes.”

“You want to know where you can get a cup of coffee?” Sehun repeats, gaping at Kyungsoo as if he’s just sprouted horns from his head.

Kyungsoo beams a wide grin and nods his head. Why is he asking the same question?

“But we’re in a coffee shop,” Sehun says, amazed at having to point this out. “You can get one here, no?”

Crap. Kyungsoo clenches his eyes shut and kicks himself for sounding like a complete moron. Why did he not realise what a stupid question it was? Why does Sehun make him lose all cognitive functions? Play it cool.

Kyungsoo forces an exaggerated laugh. “Gotcha!”

A wave of relief washes over Sehun’s face and he laughs back at Kyungsoo. “Wow, you really had me going there. I completely thought you were being serious.”

“I should be an actor or something, right?”

“Your delivery and expressions were perfect. Wow, that was really impressive,” Sehun praises with crescent eyes.

What a lucky save. Focus, Kyungsoo. Clearly you can’t talk about coffee because that was an embarrassing train wreck. You can’t exactly talk about how much you enjoy going to the book shop or library just to look at the books arranged in alphabetical order.

Kyungsoo notices the wallet in Sehun’s hand. It features a chibi character from some anime, Kyungsoo isn’t too sure. He doesn’t recognise it, it’s definitely not from a shoujo anime. The only non-shoujo anime he’s watched is that famous tennis one and he’s steering clear of any topics involving sports and/or balls.

“Nice wallet,” Kyungsoo comments. “What anime is that from?”

“Ah, yes! Attack on Titan, have you heard of it?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head no, biting on his lower lip. He can feel the back of his shirt sticking to his damp back and hopes that he won’t have to turn around. “I’ve not had a chance to really get into anime,” he lies.

“You should really check it out! There are some really awesome series out there!” Sehun’s eyes light up as he recommends the series.

“So, what kinds of anime do you like watching? Or are they not family friendly? You know, the rated kind.” Kyungsoo winks at Sehun, nudging his elbow in the air, mimicking bed springs creaking.

 

 

 

 

 

“I gotta hand it to you, Kyungsoo. How you manage to royally screw things in less than sixty seconds is beyond me.”

Kyungsoo groans loudly. “It’s like I was possessed or something. Like, I knew what I was saying, but I just couldn’t help myself.”

“Well, I think you’ve outdone yourself this time.”

“Chanyeol, please.”

“But seriously though, Kyungsoo. You actually--”

“Chanyeol, please!”

Chanyeol shuts up and mimes zipping his mouth closed. He begins to breathe heavily, clearly trying to suppress his laughter. “You basically accused him of fapping to hentai! Oh, my God!” he blurts out before breaking into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Kyungsoo screeches at the other, trying desperately to erase the memory of the day before. He still can’t forget the look of shock and utter horror slowly creeping on Sehun’s face after the comprehension of Kyungsoo’s words. The warm radiant smiles dissipating, replaced by a cold icy scowl. No words were exchanged after, and Kyungsoo had never witnessed someone fleeing the scene as quickly as Sehun had after his coffee was handed to him.

“But did you notice how he _didn’t_ deny it though?” Chanyeol questions, tapping a finger to his lips with a pensive look on his face.

“You’re not helping!”

Chanyeol approaches Kyungsoo with an earnest expression on his face. Kyungsoo finds it rather unsettling and he curls up his body like a frightened hedgehog. Avoiding Chanyeol’s gaze, he stares at his feet and makes a note to give them a little shine when he has a spare minute.

“You’re a lost cause,” Kyungsoo hears Chanyeol say and his head immediately darts up, a look of blazing fury spread on his face. Chanyeol merely smiles and ruffles his hair, unintimidated by his small frame. Blast his non-spiked body and blast Chanyeol for being nothing but a big giant stinking oaf.

“I-I… Fine! I’ll ask someone else!” Kyungsoo huffs in indignation, folding his arms for good measure. He turns up his nose and pushes past the other, making sure to jab his elbow as he passes.

Kyungsoo didn’t want to involve his best friend, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Kim Jongin is notorious for his string of flings and his record for bedding even the most unattainable of men. Retrieving his phone, Kyungsoo hesitates for a moment.

He has no doubt in his mind that Jongin would be more than happy to offer his words of wisdom. Perhaps a little too eager, is the issue. He’ll most likely want to meet Sehun and carry out extensive recon missions. No, this won’t do, Kyungsoo can’t resort to asking Jongin for advice… can he?

The image of Sehun’s horrified expression flashes before his eyes and his fingers take a life of their own. The phone is raised to his ear before he knows what’s happening, his heart racing as he waits for Jongin to pick up. What Kyungsoo could only estimate as a billion rings and a century later, he hears the sound of his best friend’s voice.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“J-Jongin,” Kyungsoo croaks, his mouth suddenly drier than a desert. Cradling the phone between his neck and ear, he grab a glass of water and gulps it down in one shot.

“Kyungsoo? What’s that sound?”

Kyungsoo emits a satisfied “ahhhhh” and sets the cup on the counter. “Hyung? You still there?” he hears Jongin asking.

Kyungsoo nods, taking the phone into his hand again. “Yeah, sorry. Just felt a little parched. Erm,” he clears his throat, “I just kinda needed to ask for a favour? A little advice?”

“Is everything okay?” Jongin sounds genuinely concerned and Kyungsoo feels rather touched.

Regardless, Kyungsoo lies to his best friend. “I have this friend, who kinda has this little crush on this one guy, and so my friend was wondering how would he go about trying to… y’know…”

“Get in his pants?”

Kyungsoo closes his eyes and chews on his lower lip. “Y-yes, but like… with a little more class?”

“Okay, I’ll rephrase. Get into his silk Armani boxer briefs?” Jongin laughs and Kyungsoo bites his tongue; he is the one seeking advice after all. “So this friend of yours…” Jongin continues.

“Y-Yes?”

“Is his name Do Kyungsoo by any chance?”

Kyungsoo can feel the hot flush rushing to his face. He’s glad Jongin can’t see him right now, there’s no way he’d be able to deny it if he were standing before him. He knew this was going to be a bad idea. “And now I’ve changed my mind, I don’t need you or your help anymore.”

“Look, Kyungsoo. You don’t need to hide anything from me. It’s _me_. It’s not like I don’t know any of your embarrassing secrets like that one time when you drank too much and then you peed--”

“Buh-buh!” Kyungsoo interrupts, cutting Jongin off. “You promise you would never bring that up. Ever.”

“Okay, fine. But you get my point, right?”

“Fine. Yes, so the friend is actually me. Now, just tell me how you do it!” Kyungsoo snaps, losing his patience. He loves Jongin, he really does, but sometimes the kid has just gotta learn when to shut up and get straight to the good stuff.

“Do what?”

Kyungsoo takes a sharp inhale and counts to three before exhaling. “It! The thing!”

“The getting-into-his-pants thing? Ohhh, that’s simple. Just do what I do.”

“Which is…?” Kyungsoo taps his foot on the floor as he waits for Jongin’ response.

“I just tell people that Viagra want to sue me for giving people boners and it’s putting them out of business.” Kyungsoo can hear Jongin cackling on the other end. “It works every single time, I swear to God.”

Wait a second. Back the truck up and shut the front door. Why does this sound so familiar, like he’s heard it before. He’s pretty sure that Jongin’s never told him before today and yet Kyungsoo’s is _certain_ it rings a bell.

The pin drops.

“You’re dating _Chanyeol_?!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo has been watching the door for the past three hours, with no sign of Sehun. His heart skips a beat when he sees someone resembling Sehun, but upon the realisation it’s just a lookalike, Kyungsoo’s heart sinks faster than his boner would at the sight of a naked Chanyeol.

“I give up.” Kyungsoo announces with a sigh as he collapses onto the counter, falling into a pit of despair. After another hour of serving customers, he retreats to the staff room. Feeling drained of energy, he shuffles his feet as he walks. He slumps into a chair and closes his eyes, trying his best not to think about a certain someone (but failing miserably).

He hears the door open and Chanyeol pokes his head through. “Kyungsoo-yah, could you come back out to the front?”

“My break’s not done for another half an hour,” he responds, waving Chanyeol off with his right hand, his eyes still closed.

“I said, you’re needed at the front,” Chanyeol repeats, louder and more assertive. Kyungsoo can hear his footsteps approaching followed by a gentle shake of his shoulder.

“I heard you the first time.”

Chanyeol clobbers him on the back of his head, causing Kyungsoo to cry out in pain. His eyes narrow, fist raised in retaliation.

“Sehun is here,” Chanyeol says, taking two steps back to avoid Kyungsoo’s attack.

Sehun is here? _His_ Sehun? Kyungsoo slides past Chanyeol and dashes out of the room in 0.4 seconds flat. His stomach does a somersault when Sehun appears in his line of vision. Approaching the counter, Kyungsoo clears his throat to capture the other’s attention.

“Ah, Kyungsoo. There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you and I need to get it off my chest. And if I don’t say it now, then I might not ever so please hear me out.”

Sehun has a serious expression on his face; this can’t be good. He’s chewing on his lip, a pensive look cast on his face. The apprehension must mean it’s something negative, right? Kyungsoo can’t seem to quash the uneasy feeling in his stomach. This must be the moment Sehun shatters Kyungsoo’s hopes and dreams. Yanked back to the harsh and cruel reality, there will be no more delusional thoughts about how maybe—just maybe—Sehun might reciprocate his feelings. He holds his breath and he waits for his still beating heart to be ripped from his chest.

“I actually…”

Need to stop drinking coffee under the doctor’s order? Despise you with the intensity of a thousand suns? Have a boyfriend who is a million times more attractive and taller than you?

“...don’t live anywhere near here. I’ve been coming here almost every single day even though it adds almost an hour to my commute because…” Sehun trails off again, avoiding Kyungsoo’s eyes.

Kyungsoo waits for Sehun to continue, his eyes wide and unblinking.

“Because of the cute barista that works here,” Sehun finally finishes after a painstaking twelve second silence.

Kyungsoo’s face falls when he realises that Sehun has been looking at Chanyeol the entire time. Chanyeol. He likes Chanyeol. Sehun likes _Chanyeol_.

“I hate to break it to you but, er, Chanyeol already has a boyfriend,” Kyungsoo says in a hushed tone, shooting a glance at Chanyeol. He hears Sehun snicker and whips his head back to face him, confused as to why he finds it so amusing. Isn’t he supposed to be in a state of anguish, like Kyungsoo is?

“I meant _you_ , silly,” Sehun clarifies, pointing at Kyungsoo for added emphasis.

Kyungsoo’s knees turn to jelly and he grabs hold of the counter to keep him upright. Did he just hear Sehun right? Did Sehun just confess? “But why?” he blurts out in shock. What has Kyungsoo done that could have possibly made Sehun feel this way? He’s been anything _but_ appealing. Oh Sehun really is an enigma. Any other guy would have already fled as far away as humanly possible.

Sehun shrugs. “You’re definitely not… normal. But who wants normal? You’re different, unique and for some reason, I can’t stop thinking about you. You make me smile, even though you ask really inappropriate questions and have the tendency to put your foot in your mouth.”

Kyungsoo is rendered speechless, which perhaps is a good thing. Despite Sehun’s words, Kyungsoo can’t be too sure that he won’t say something so off-key that it’ll have the other running for the hills, never to be seen again.

“But I find it endearing and I want to learn more about you.” After Kyungsoo’s lack of response, Sehun continues, “So, I was thinking. Seeing as how you’ve been serving me coffee all this time, I think it’s about time that I ask _you_ what you would like to drink, don’t you think?”

“You...” Kyungsoo pauses and catches Sehun arching an eyebrow. “...’re right. I think it’s time you take me out for a drink,” Kyungsoo adds, quite smoothly one might add.

“Know anywhere we could grab a cup of coffee?” Sehun asks with a cheeky smirk.

“I might know of a place. It’s not too far from here, in fact.”

Kyungsoo smiles when he feels Sehun’s fingers slipping in between his, the warmth of his hand makes Kyungsoo feel all fuzzy and tingly. Sehun pulls Kyungsoo close, and with the brightest smile Kyungsoo has ever seen, he says, “Lead the way.”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> to t, thank you for everything you've done for me (and for this fic).


End file.
